resolutions, parents, etc

I made a few new year's resolutions, but plan to keep up with them, the best I can because let's face it - how many of us really keep up on them after about 2-3 weeks? The one I'm making a bigger effort on is to lose weight (oh that's original...). I've put a counter on the top of the blog, so I can periodically weigh-in. I hoping to Shred at least 3 days a week. So far, I've been good on it, even though the first couple of times I was extremely sore for a day or two afterwards.

Another resolution I made, is half an "experiment". This resolution is to not be the one to contact my "friends" (what few I have) first. Let them contact me, about getting together or even to say HI. For years I've always been the one coming up with plans to visit people, the one saying "Hey, how's it going? We should get together etc etc." Never them, keeping in touch with me. I'm tired of it, and I feel like I'm reaching out all the time.

I'm guessing that this resolution will result in me not keeping any of the "friends" I have. Lol. Or at least never hearing from them. And so far? I've been right. If I don't contact them first - then I'll never hear from them. Until maybe months and month later?

Speaking of friendship and all, I've started reading the manga "ナナ" (Nana). In short, it's a girl's manga about 2 girls who become best best friends through many hardships, etc. And both of their names are Nana.

I know it's cheesy, but reading it makes me jealous! I've never had a 'girlfriend', or a friend who would drop anything for me, etc. Granted that in grade school I hung out more with the guys, because I had more in common with them (i.e. video games, anime, etc.) I've never been a girly-girl.

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So yeah, Takeshi's still miserable with his current job. And he'll stay that way, no exceptions, until his next job. We had a big falling-out the other night (which prompted me to put up a status on Facebook in tearful despair, and then take delete, since I didn't want him to see it...). It happened when it was night - it was late - Takeshi was getting off of work soon - and it was POURING rain. But little me does not look outside too often when inside, doing my own things.

A few minutes after I decide to get in the shower, he ended up calling my phone in the living room about 6 times, and texting me - asking me if I can come get him from work. I did not see the text message until I got out of the shower. By that time, he got home. SOAKING WET. And very pissed.

I felt horrible ok? I had failed him. It was an accident and bad timing for sure. But he had needed me to come get him so he didn't have to bike home in the rain - and I didn't respond. I'm feeling like the biggest piece of crap at this point.

Long story short, he makes me feel bad about it a little more, which makes me burst into tears for the rest of the night. He remains silent, which is how he shows his anger...

This eventually turns into a discussion about me not taking care of the house as much as I should. Washing all the dishes, taking out the trash, etc. so he doesn't feel obligated to do it when he gets home from work. Which he WILL do. I wish instead he'd bug me about it, then to do it himself.

But it's true what he said. I slack off on that stuff sometimes. I have no excuses. I'm not the same person as him, I'm not as proactive sometimes. I can be very lazy. I'm not proud of it. It obviously doesn't help HIM.

This leads to me, in sobby tears still, full-out cleaning the bathroom at 1:30am.

This ends with both of us falling into despair AGAIN about our situation - no savings, no graphic design job, not being where we want to be, being miserable at his job, not liking where we were forced to move to, etc.

Conclusion is: I'm making better on doing things more, when I say I'm going to. Not slacking as much. Because I do want to help him, so he doesn't have to worry about the house-stuff.

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In other news, my parents are visiting the States right now, before they move to their third 'post' in another country, Jordan (eww...worry). And they're staying with us (2nd bedroom this time!) on and off, since they're flying around the metro area shopping, and going to doctor's appointments. Originally I wanted the four of us to go to NYC (like I went with them last time), but hub decided not to go. He told me I could still go - but I didn't really want to without him - AND nevermind that we can't afford it, even if I was to go halfsies on expenses with my parents while we were there. So they'll be going to NYC for 3 days. I tell ya, it's been a little weird sharing one bathroom with 3 other people!