08 October 2012


So it's another "catch-up" post after being bad and not posting for a while. D: Sorry, to whoever still reads this blog lol.

So lotsa stuff has happened since I posted last; good and bad.

We finally got a dog! :D

His name is Percy. He's a 4-year old (soon to be 5 in December) Parti Toy Poodle. Funny that originally, I hadn't applied for him online! We had inquired about another female toy poodle in the area - met with the foster mom and whatnot. In the end, the foster mom told me that we wouldn't be the best fit for the dog because she needed someone who only would be away from home for about 3-4 hours per day (whaaa??). Instead she told me about another poodle she had met recently, through her girlfriend who also fosters dogs. Percy was originally from Ohio, where he was owned by an old man with Parkinson's Disease. After not being able to take care of him anymore, Percy was given up to a shelter. That's where Debbie, the foster mom, found him and brought him in Maryland.

I went to meet him at the farm he was staying at (dog's heaven, right?), and it was so pretty there. Percy was running around with a little pack of pups there: 2 Pembroke Corgis (OMG LOVE), a big mix dog, and 2 Bichon mixes.

So long story short, (and after an over night "try-him-out" stay) we ended up getting him. $300.00, not too bad. It's been fun seeing hub really warm up to Percy, since TK did not grow up with any pets.  wasn't sure how it'd go! Lol. Unfortunately the pup has cataracts in his right eye and has no vision in it anymore. We're not sure how it happened or when - perhaps just hereditary. We'll also never be sure of his actual birthdate. His paperwork from the shelter only says "4 year and 10 months old".

So he has a wonderful temperament - only thing is that his owner NEVER taught him basic obedience, like "sit" or "stay". Percy's original name was Cuddles (eww) so we had to work the first few days with just teaching him his name!

So he's just now really settling down, getting used to our schedule. It's so nice to have a dog in the home again (for me - since my parents house). He frustrates me somedays, but he is a sweet boy and he makes us laugh for sure. ;)

31 August 2012


That's pretty much describes my life now, with the 2 jobs and everything else I need to do that's not work related. Things are going well for the financial situation. We've saved a LOT in the past month. The part-time retail job has increased my hours due to them losing about 6 people who went back to school/college. And my design job has definitely upped the number of projects that are "high priority" and need to be done, "oh, by next week." Don't get me wrong, I kind of have begun to like the chaos of having an overabundance of design projects to get done for them. It's just that sometimes people don't know that design. takes. time. I try to go as fast as I can, while still creating material that they/I can be proud of.

What happens though, when I need to get shit done for them, is to still on my round butt in-front of the laptop for hours (on-site and at home). When I'm not doing that, I try to get housecleaning done. I'm still the only one who can really get that stuff done. Just recently, I was finally able to take some time and do a quick vacuum of the apartment. Yesterday I had a few minutes to clean/scrub the kitchen sink.  Sometimes I feel like the only exercise I get is at the part-time gig. Starting this week, some of my "new hour" days consist of me coming in to "do the truck". Coming in at 5:30AM. (X__X);; I usually drag my sorry ass out of bed at 4AM. But on the brighter side, I get some time to move around, unpacking things from boxes, running them out to the shelves, moving items around, and I get out at 10AM. I do this, so far, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And on Wednesdays I wake up at 6AM to go to Annapolis for the design job. So straight 3 days of EARLINESS for me. Whew.

Hub has been equally busy with his work, since they've put him back on 6 days a week now. Mondays, again, are our only full days spent together. But we're both working hard to save money, and so far it looks like it's happening. Which is something to be grateful for. And to keep busting our butts for. So I can....get me' a DOG finally! >__> *Sob* I want one so bad.

Plants are all doing well. The bell pepper plant is about to bloom! :) I might have to transplant that sucker though, to a bigger pot again, since I'm not sure how big the peppers could get right now. But we'll see.

In other happy news - Takeshi finally FINALLY got to speak to Tousan on the phone the other night! Since we've moved back to the States in 08', he hasn't been able to hear FIL's voice. Only emails. Tousan likes to be anywhere but at home, on his days off. So he'd NEVER be there. Most of the time he would call home in Suzuka, Baasan would pick up. Cuz' she stays home, does chores, and then watches TV for 5 hours a day.

FIL said that he's thinking of visiting us in May of next year! Which would be so cool. (I'd rather visit THEM in Japan though lol) He might be able to bring SIL and MIL as well. Fingers crossed. But this means that I'll have to brush up my Japanese! :( It blows that I haven't had the time to truly continue to study the language. Sigh. I DON'T want to be like this forever - not being able to hold a conversation with my in-laws (except SIL knows some English). And where hub has to be "the translator" all the time. Well, when we finally get some concrete dates from FIL, that'll be my green light to buckle down as much as I can!

10 August 2012

lancaster, plants

So I'm finally uploading these few photos I took during our recent day trip to Lancaster, PA (where we used to live while I was in college there). We arrived on a Monday evening, spent some time at our old favorite cafe, went to a hotel in town, woke up early on Tuesday for the farmer's market, and left at about noon. But hub got to enjoy the rest of his day off, while I went to work at 5pm. Bleh. >__<

It was great seeing old places again, but that hotel we had stayed in downtown was a piece of crap. An old, mildewy piece of crap. We had never stayed there, and only did because it was close to everything in town. And it was only for 1 night, so why not. An old desolate place, with dust caked on light fixtures, & stained carpets. It looked like the place was being prepped to be a haunted house amusement. The first key they gave us ended up being to a room that wasn't even fixed up yet, with frumpy, rubbled bedsheets, a pile of towels on the floor in the bathroom, and a CREEPY white-bar baby crib along one wall. UH. NO thank you. We went down and got another key, to a room which was fixed. TV had no working channels though.

Farmer's Market the next day was wonderful. We got to wander past all of the stands of produce, nuts, breads, preservatives, and Amish quilts. Hub, being the chef that he is, was very excited by many things, and bought some produce. We also bought a small rosemary plant, to add to our garden. :)

Prince Street Cafe on Monday night

View of Lancaster city from hotel room

Farmer's Market

And again

Hub bought "Indigo Rose" tomatoes. Very pretty!

I bought tea!

Our new rosemary plant

Apple mint is growing and growing!

Our tomato plant; about 3.5'  high now!

28 July 2012


I'm tired of all these cloudy overcast days. I swear I hear my plants weeping out there somedays. But actually, recently they've been doing fairly well. A few weeks ago I thought I had a pest problem, leaf-hoppers or something, and covered all plants with this insect killing spray. Ended up burning the sh*t out of them. Leaves crinkling up, turning brown, falling off. I seriously thought I had single-handedly killed off our entire garden. T__T But everyone has recovered since then, expect for the dill. Just had to throw that poor thing out. That thing was going downhill even before the spray. I don't know why.

Our very first cherry tomato finally ripened and we ate it last night! I felt weirdly proud as I held it in my hand, like it was a gold coin or somethin'. It was very tasty too. :)

Still on the plant

Tadaa! Ready to eat

The graphic design contractor job has been going well so far. I really do find that I enjoy it more and more. And the retail job...well, it is what it is. But that's how one feels between a job, and a career. I'm definitely gaining more experience for my resume, gaining some good material for my portfolio, and not to mention it's not bad money either! Hub thinks that this month will be the first in a long while that we'll end up saving money. I just hope it keeps going, that the boss likes me & thinks I'm worth keeping around! It may turn into my being employed, but I don't want to pine away on that too much. I get nervous when things are going well! I can't help it. Every time I've started feeling positive about where a graphic design job was headed, it usually ended sometime afterwards! Hell, the last position I had in Chantilly only lasted a month.

But everything seems to be in a state of growth lately - earning money at both my jobs, the garden starting to produce things finally, everything lush. It feels like the huge "thunderstorm" with rain, wind, and basketball-sized hail, that TK and I have been sitting under for about 2-3 years is starting to move away. I hope so.

On some other good news, the dude who hit us a week-and-a-half ago's insurance company called us the other day, and have accepted liability. So they'll be paying for the repairs to our f*cked up door, and a rental car, etc etc. So I'm taking the car into the auto body shop on Monday for an estimate. It can't be as much as the repair cost of the last accident it was in, with me in Virginia! Where I was hit from behind at about 30mph by an SUV, and then subsequently hit a 4-door in front of me. Completely punched in our trunk door. I think those repairs totaled about $3,000. Bleh. Good thing I didn't have to pay for it. So, we can finally get this door fixed so that it doesn't rain into the car anymore. Thumbs up.

17 July 2012

i hate sharing the pool

Sure it's the community pool, but, I hate trying to swim in peace around dozens of little snot-nosed, screaming kids with floaties and huge neon water noodles. I came back from there about 20 minutes ago - I left prematurely because I just couldn't stand it. I didn't want to leave, but I got pool water up my nose one too many times while swimming, by huge waves created by groups of kids jumping constantly. I was spending most of my time spluttering, hanging on to the wall.

Maybe I'll try going a lot later in the day, next time. Might mean less people? I hope so, since I genuinely like to swim.

Going to drive to Annapolis again, for the scheduled meeting with the tea-boutique gig. Gotta wake up early at around 6:10am.... >__< waah.

Some new crappy news is that hub and I got into another car accident yesterday. No injuries! Nothing really serious. Just frickin' inconvenience at this point. We were pulling into the gas station, and there was a car we went to go pass behind to get through. He was just sitting there -- and then when we're right behind him, he backs up. Into us. >__>

TK was driving this time which is a first (since I've been the one in the past involved in an accident). Also another first is us being in an accident together. Yay more things to share and experience together? Hub practically flew out of the car after he put it in park, and looked like he was going to throw himself at the guy. Mumbling profanities and such.

So we all exchange info, and he was pretty chill to talk to about it but at the end he was like (in his slightly surfer-type voice), "But yeah man, just, look for those tail-lights next time OK?"

UH. No.

How about you look BEHIND you, like any responsible driver would, if you're to back up ANYWHERE.


Besides we thought he was parked! There WERE no tail-lights when we started to go behind you.

Rant rant, rah rah.....

So another frickin' trip to the auto shop, get a quote, go get it fixed etc. etc.

In happier news - sprouts! Yesh'.

Our first ever batch of home-grown sprouts was finished today. And they are sooo good. I am NEVER buying sprouts from the stores again. So much cheaper to do it at home. I just have to buy whatever I'd like to sprout; leafy greens, nut, grains, etc.

Growth over 5-6 days

They grew to the shape of the cup! You can definitely see how dense it gets

14 July 2012

designing for tea

It's definitely a product that I am passionate about designing for! So, I have officially begun my "independent contractor-ship" for the tea retailer in Annapolis. Pretty cool, and I only have to drive the whole 72.5 miles to and from there on Wednesdays.

They have poured buckets of projects on me already - so I hit the ground running then eh? It makes sense though - I believe that they had no previous graphic designer working there. So now since they have me, and are not trying to put together designs themselves, they have tons of stuff they want to have designed. The only crappy part is of course, taxes aren't taken out of the paychecks. So I'll have to do some research about making quarterly tax payments.

I do love the fact that while I'm there, I get to drink/choose from a TON of different tea blends. So nice.

I still do the retail part-time. But it's nothing too substantial - still only 2 days a week, 5 hours each day. But hey, every bit of income counts.

I just got the "sprouter" device in the mail the other day. So I have started the first batch of clover sprouts! Let's hope it's as easy as the instructions say it is. x) I LOVE sprouts. Can't wait.

29 June 2012

garden update

Our little container garden has really grown since we created it only about a month ago. Some new happenings with existing plants, and the adding of new plants as well. :)

New seeds sown: lettuce, mesclun & some 2ish year old nasturtium seeds hub had in the closet

Mesclun seeds sprouted! Didn't take long at all. Lettuce and mesclun have a very short time until they grow to full maturity about 30-48 days

Mesclun shooting up, getting bigger

Mesclun close-up

Our bell pepper sprouts! Definitely got bigger. The one on the right didn't make it though. Some kind of disease took it; red "rusty" patches appeared on the leaves and it wilted

But one is still alive! And is in a new, larger pot

Cherry tomato plant started flowering like crazy

Just yesterday I noticed the first fruits coming in!

More flower-to-fruiting going on

New dill plant

New apple mint plant

So the first lemon balm plant we had pretty much died. Why? Because I went fertilizer crazy = too much fertilizer too often. I've since educated myself about when to do it and how much to dilute. BUT, the plant was too far gone, so we said screw it - just buy a new lemon balm plant. Tadaa.

Garden 6/20

Garden 6/28

Today I also purchased some basic sprout growing merchandise from a website my dad made me privy to. I've always LOVED sprouts since I was a kid. I used to eat sprout sandwiches in elementary school, and I remember a boy asking me "Is that grass??" I couldn't persuade him to try it! Sprouts are a little overpriced in the grocery stores if you ask me - so what a good thing to just grow at home? I'm excited to start sprouted. I bought a pound of clover sprout seeds with it. Check out their website!

From the website: The "Easy Sprout Sprouter"

All of its parts

28 June 2012

job scene

So since losing the job in Chantilly in April, after a month of working there, the job scene was pretty stagnate yet again. It's amazing how tough the competition can be these days, for even mundane part-time jobs. Finally in the beginning of this month, I was hired for another retail job - for a new store that was opening. I was happy to get it, and I had a good number of hours when coming in to help with stocking the store, getting ready for it to open. Also, not-so-bad hours for the grand opening this past weekend. But as soon as this week started, the hours dropped down to almost nothing. This week I only work on Saturday for 5 hours.

Needless to say I need another job. Great.

Another update, though, just happened today. A few days ago I had answered a listing posted for a paid Graphic Design intern for a tea retailer/boutique-ish business - only hitch was that it is located 1.5 hours away from us. That's actually a big hitch for us, at this point in time. That means lots money for gas, lots of mileage on the car, and obviously a huge journey every day and back to work there.

But because I was extremely excited to see a listing that I was actually interested in, tea, I had already set up an interview with them. Hub came home and pretty much knocked some reality back into me, and we agreed that it wasn't the best choice to take this position right now. We would just be making our financial situation worse. I send a last minute email to them saying as such and apologize. They send a response saying, "You wouldn't necessarily have to come to Annapolis for the internship. If you're still interested let us know."

Long story short, I had a phone chat with the co-owner of the place today, and it looks like we could set up something, where I could work from home most the time, and then have 1 day a week where I'd go to Annapolis to touch base with them in person, prioritize projects, etc. And I'd actually get a bi-weekly stipend! I hope this works out. It means more experience, portfolio/resume material, actually getting paid for it, designing for TEA (oh yeah), and they said there was a possibility of it turning into a full-time position. The internship is roughly 10 months. So we'll see how this pans out!

03 June 2012

container garden

So since the warmer weather has officially started, I decided a few weeks ago, to put our plants outside. Also, when we were cooking dinner at my friend's house, he gave me some bell pepper seeds from the ones we cooked, to take home. I planted them and was thrilled when they finally sprouted! I went and transplanted all of my plants in the end, into bigger containers; both pregnant onions, my cactus, and my money tree. Takeshi also ended up buying a small (here's a real herb plant for you to have!) mint plant at the grocery store, so I decided to transplant it as well. It had a bit of a rough time, since I ended up reverting back to my old ways of KILLING all plants in reach because I "over-mother" them = over-watering. I drowned them with love, essentially. >__>;;

I'm much better about it now though. I've found the best thing to do with plants, in the whole, is to leave them alone. Just let them grow forget them for a couple days, and try not to over-manage them.

I guess hub has gotten back into the container garden hobby as well, since we went out to Lowe's the other day and bought more plants! Lemon balm, sweet basil, thyme, and cherry tomato. So all of the plants are outside now on the balcony (which gets good sun during the day), except for the 2 onions and money tree that are still on the windowsill in the spare bedroom.

I am keeping an eye on my 3 bell pepper seedlings though (2 as a pair, and then 1 by itself). They used to be inside on the sill as well. The day before yesterday they looked a little wilted, and I started to get worried, reading about damping off disease and all. So I've moved them outside as well, for better air circulation. Fingers crossed!

Pregnant onion splitting down the middle! Growing bigger!

Bell peppers sprouted! About 2 weeks ago.

Progress! Still growing and separated into 2 pots.

The most recent photo before they started to go wilty' on me

Decrepit mint and the cactus

My first transplanting expedition, getting down an' dirty

Pregnant onion out of it's former container - had totally outgrown it!

Our newest plants - Top: lemon balm & thyme; Bottom: tomato & basil

20 May 2012

anniversary no. 4

So this past Wednesday hub and I went out to dinner at a place in DC for our anniversary. The dinner was ok; hub is always very critical of fine dining food (never mind regular restaurant food), and this meal did not wow him. In fact we we left wanting a little. There were 24 courses with a wine/cocktail pairing. So every 3 courses we would get a new glass of wine, or a new cocktail. Mind you, we had already ordered cocktails while we were waiting to be seated so....yah. We were getting fuzzy by the 10th course. They kept bringing glasses out, and at some point I just stopped trying to keep up. It felt like they were intentionally trying to get us drunk! It did make the food taste better (not that it didn't already), but for the second half of the dinner, I hated being "half in the world". TK at one point, to my total embarrassment, started to drift off to sleep at the table. I kept hissing, "Wake up! Do NOT fall asleep!"

We had a sleepy Metro train ride back to our station in Rockville, and by that time, thankfully, I had sobered up, and we drove back home to Frederick. As I said, not an awesome rock-our-world dinner. We've had better. But it was a place neither of us had been to, so what the heck!

10 May 2012


I try to stay optimistic about our situation, about in general, but it's getting harder to do that. I know that I shouldn't and can't just give up on everything, but after almost 3 years of financial stagnation and utter despair/frustration, I'm closer to that feeling than I've ever been in my life.

We as a couple I feel can't take full joy in anything anymore. Because we're always fighting towards the "better future". Where we can be happy again. I can't remember the last time we both felt relief. I'm tired of searching for jobs. I'm tired of desperation.

I feel so alone, and we are alone in reality. I guess being at home right now, alone, does not help my state of mind. It amplifies my growing despair and fear, about going bankrupt, being on the street, or worse. Sometimes the silence and the loneliness builds so much that I feel it choking me. I almost always have the TV on, something playing on my laptop. To hear human voices. But I can't talk to them, hold a conversation. I could call my only true friend Todd, friendly acquaintances, or my family members, but I feel that it would be unfair to them to hear me dissolve into crying, in the end. Talking to hub about it is ridiculous. Who needs more fuel on the fire. I want someone to talk to, but I don't want to burden them with my problems. Like I said, I don't think I would be able to get much out. Just starting to talk about our job/financial problems chokes me up. More recently I'll have attacks; anxiety, panic whatever they are. The first time I've physically felt my heart-rate/blood-pressure rise.

I think of all the things I could be doing with my life right now at 25. How far ahead we could be. How happy we could be. Somedays I think that we were only put on this earth to be crushed under un-ending disappointment. Like the world wants us fail, to continue to be broken. Hub could be doing so much more with his life at this point, if it weren't for me, I know that. I'm just trying to start my career, but I feel so responsible for dragging his down. He had been working at some great places before we started dating. He'd probably still be going on an upward curve right now.

Somedays I want so much for someone to hold me and tell me it will be alright, Someone I could totally collapse against and maybe get some of my anger and bitterness out. But I can't subject that to hub, he doesn't deserve it. He's trying so hard as it is.

Sorry if this post is totally a downer. Writing things out sometimes blows off steam. At least if I can never voice these fears, I will have said them in some form.

28 April 2012

cloudy saturday

Not too much has happened since my last day of work in Chantilly, in the way of interviews and such. I did have one interview this past Thursday at a growing health insurance company in Maryland. They told me that the interview process had just started, so I won't hear anything back until the end of this next week. And there's going to be a second round of interviews as well. So, we'll see were that goes, if anywhere.

We've been waiting for the weather to get warmer finally, but, there have been days lately where it's still so damned chilly! Sometimes in the past, you only have spring for a little while and the rest of the time it's humid, hot summer, until fall.

This coming Monday would have been hub's usual day off, but this time around, the chef-boss has an event going on in D.C. that he's essentially dragging all of the kitchen-staff too. Something to do with cooking/catering for politicians, Hillary Clinton, and the Japanese prime minister! Cool. :) He will get paid for it, but he'll probably be getting back really, really late, and I wish we didn't have our usual day off taken away this week.

Lately, hub's been going to a local state park to try to forage for things in the woods. Seems that he's been reading up on some online forums, and maybe guys at work, telling tales of their successes. We've gone a few times together on his days off, but haven't found anything! Haha. I think he need to go to another state park. But maybe we're just not doing it right!

21 April 2012

and all my dreams, torn asunder

(I don't know if I like this new blogger interface. Bleh.)

Taken from the title of a sci-fi TV series from the 90s I like. A little geeky? Yeah.

So people can have a big laugh at me now, I suppose. Since this past Monday was my last day at the new job in Virginia. The one that was the answer to my "prayers" a month ago. The job that was supposed to fix everything. And it's gone now. I am jobless (or least without a design job) again for the time being - a familiar place.

There were several factors that contributed to me not being able to keep the job, but I think the major factor, again, was my lack of experience. My ex-boss said herself that they had taken a risk in hiring me, since the job listing called for someone with at least 2-3 years of experience. And I took a risk I suppose, entering into an industry I had no idea about, and entering into a solid professional workplace in general for the first time. Very technical, extremely detail-orientated work. Mistakes, even small ones were not good to make, as the time went on. And the added strain of "Oh my god I NEED to keep this job, what do I do" mentality made my small mistakes even harder. Takeshi is all about learning things at a workplace, no matter if it's a positive or negative experience - everthing is a learning experience. Things I guess I learned while I was there?

  • I learned about my own learning curve, how I work, at what pace feels best to me
  • I learned about the Microsoft Outlook - never had used it before!
  • I learned how to better organize larger amounts of data/info & how to manage my daily schedule better
  • I learned that I probably won't look for another design job in the "promotional product" industry - that I want a job that allows me to be more creative every day, and less technical (to some degree)

So, now I am on the search again. In a sense I feel a small amount of freedom. Since I've learned more about myself and my own personal desires in graphic design, I can now look to find a job in which I truly will enjoy doing. A job that I hopefully will want to have, not just because of the money, but because I have a genuine interest in it. The perimeters of my search are kind of same - A small town; somewhere that's more affordable to live in (rent-wise), location could be anywhere, but, we just can't afford to move too far away i.e. west coast U.S. and such.

Hub's also considering his career; assessing what he wants for his future in the culinary industry, where to go next from here.

Because our time in Frederick is coming to an end. Our new timeline is as such. Our year lease will be up in October of this year. Either we move when I find a guaranteed job somewhere else, or when that does not happen, whenever he finds another job. Other than that, nothing is certain and we're not sure. I've just started sending out resumes so we'll see.

04 April 2012

*place interesting title here*

I can never come up with anything interesting sounding! Something eye-catching. Lol. Probably cuz there's not much going on right now.

I've just been, well, working. Nice thing though, this coming Sunday, the hub has off work! Which is really frickin' weird because I can't remember the last time he had a Sunday off. Not since he moved to this place in Frederick anyway.

It'll be our first day off together since March 11th. Whew. This "never-having-overlapping-days-off" thing blows. What's the point of working hard and earning more money, if we can never have the marriage/companionship to look forward to? Being with hub makes the rest of my life more bearable and meaningful.

I look at other couples on Facebook or the ladies back home, and I think, man they've got it good. They (seem to, I dunno for sure) see each other more often. They have kid, or having their second kid, they're able to have time together, to be a family. They're "settling down".

Meanwhile, we're f*ckin' rejoicing over the fact that we'll have our first day off together in 27 days. It's a half-way marriage or somethin'. Right now, we see each other about the same amount of time or less than that of when we were dating.

I think that the only people who have it worse possibly than us are where one or both spouses are in the military. Going off on tour for a few months or something. I couldn't do that at all. T__T

I guess I just wonder if we'll both ever be happy. It's been 4 years, and sometimes I feel that we haven't seen much of each other. I think of having a kid and....it seems like a nice thought.


How that work out, seriously? I'd be a single parent essentially. Would the kid even get to see him that much? *I* don't get to see him that much.

Sometimes I toy with the idea that maybe our careers/schedules/lack of finances just aren't conducive to having kids. Maybe it's just not meant for us. A dog or two would be more practical I suppose.

One upside perhaps is that we're never together long enough for us to get on each other's nerves? We're just always longing to see each other. I can't count how many times during the week we say "Miss you" to each other in notes or texts. It's very lonely on both sides.

All in all, these are just "wonderings". They surface every now and again. Who the hell knows what'll happen.

Going to read for a little bit before bed. Night!

21 March 2012

workin' 9 to 5

I've been busy with my first two weeks of my new job! Today was the half-mark of my 2nd week. About 2 more weeks to go until I'm officially an employee, not on the payroll, no perks yet - right now I'm a "contractor". Last week was a little tough, being the first and all. Lots of pressure, TONS of stuff to learn and try to memorize. My new boss-lady said that they usually end up hiring people who are "achievers" and want to know everything right now, and thus can be quite hard on themselves. WELL, it only took me until the 3rd day of work to have a bout of weepiness in the car ride back home, after a day of a few more learning-hiccups than usual. That's me - hard on herself. Why? Because I hate being the new person, and I hate having my hand held in a professional workplace at the age of 25!! Argh. That's meee. :D

So since my new schedule began, TK and I have, as expected, no days off together. It's usually me kissing a still-sleeping hub in the morning when I wake up at 6am - and MAYBE seeing him get home early before midnight - which is the LATEST I'll go to bed these days. Yessir, no more saying up till 1-2am during the week for me! Besides, I'm usually SO frickin' glad to see my bed at the end of the night these days. I definitely fall asleep faster, so far. I am NOT a morning person.

6:00am is NOT the time for Laura to be feeling like she wants breakfast. BLEH. I hate looking at food that early. I try to muscle down a little bit of cereal at least...

So now that April is nearly here, we're starting to think of moving....where to go in northern VA, what we could afford, what hub's going to DO?? What's his next job??

I haven't actually SPOKEN to him face to face since.....uhhh >__> *thinks* Monday? Something like that. :/ At least a couple days. Tomorrow is his day off, so I'll get to see him when I get home at around 7pm. Yaaay!

Have a good sleep everyone. I'll be in up in another 6 hours!

♫ "Workin' 9 to 5, What a way to make a livin'..."♪

07 March 2012

new job, in-laws

So it finally happened. After about 2 whole years of wavering hope, and continued emotional hardship, I've landed a full-time job. It still feels a little surreal. I guess I'm just so used to defeat. It's not located in Frederick, though, but in Chantilly, VA. A stipulation of the contract/offer letter I signed states that I relocate to either DC or VA within 90 days of my start date, the 12th of this month. That puts our moving deadline to June 12th. It had originally been 60 days, but I called my future boss and asked her to extend it. just to give us more time to save up a little more money for the move. The apartment we're in requires us to give a month's advance notice of early termination of our lease, and a whopping 2 month's rent = about $1,900.

Just to get OUT. That sucks. There's no doubt that our savings will dwindle even further, to make this "last hurrah" happen. After that, we definitely won't be ABLE to move anywhere else for a while. I just hope that with 2 salaries this time, we will be able to replenish our savings more quickly. Takeshi has been happy for me, I think. But he is concerned about our financial future, etc. as always. The problems don't stop just because I've got a job now. And he still has to stay at this current job which he f*cking LOATHES.

I, at least, take a small comfort with the knowledge that because I was able to get this job, he will be able to finally leave that place. I just HOPE that his next job, whatever it is, treats him better. For both our sakes. Seeing him miserable makes me miserable.

Another HUGE bummer about my soon-to-be new work schedule - is that we, for the time being, will never have a SINGLE WHOLE day off together. None. I will have the usual Saturday and Sunday off. He will have 2 weekdays off. This past Monday was our last full day off together, so we planned on taking a trip down to Alexandria (our previous stomping grounds) and visit his old restaurant and a new place the owners had opened in Old Town.

It didn't help that the night before, when he got home, we ended up in a HUGE fight. It started out with me getting on him a little about drinking 3 beers at work (with a friend who had come to visit, I learn later), and then driving home. I may have overreacted but I was JUST concerned.

He took this as me not wanting to let him have a LITTLE time to himself and chill out, to escape the shitty reality that is his job, etc etc. Which I try to explain to him that that was NOT was I saying, blah blah, YELLING, grief. Then it devolving into the same old arguments, me not washing dishes when I should, his crappy job, worries about finances, worries about his career, ETC.

So we went to bed silent - me in bed - him falling asleep on the floor in the living room. I covered him with a blanket at least, later on...

All of the arguing kind of followed me into the next morning though. I guess I just kind of, snapped. Not 5 minutes after I get up and start getting ready for our day trip, that I'm already in tears. I'm thinking, "This is our LAST day together who the fuck knows HOW long - and all we did last night was argue." Despair, despair, weepiness. We drive there, and I'm in tears the whole way (which was not the greatest thing, because I was driving...). Hub at this point is cooled down, and is trying to make me feel better, but I couldn't be consoled.

All I kept thinking was, "last day together, last day together..." I miss him already with his stupid fucking schedule, and NOW it's hit rock bottom, for me.

So we're walking around Old Town later on, and I'm in a haze. It didn't help that it was really chilly with a wind that day! Not a great day for walking outside.

We eat lunch later on at hub's old restaurant, and it was SO SO nice to see his old kitchen "family" there, the other chefs we got to know when he worked there. They're such nice people. They came out to see TK while we were waiting for our food, 'cause he's the man and all, and two of the guys gave us hugs. I really HUGGED them back, I needed it. It was nice to have that friendly, warm touch you know? It was comforting to me. It makes me wish we had never left there (if other circumstances had been better).

So, I finally reverted back to my usual self after that, and we had a good rest of the day, for the most part.


Another thing that's been eating away at me just recently, is the topic of my in-laws. Hub and I were talking the other night, just reminiscing about Suzuka and such I think. Also, before that, he had ended up calling home and caught my MIL, and did some catching up, telling her about my new job and such. I didn't catch much of what they talked about on the phone, so hub filled me in for the most part.

TK was musing on the cultural and age differences between us and my MIL. He said that the way she thinks about certain things are a little "old school." I guess that she had asked the question (when told about my getting the job) "Why are you trying to do it all?" I think that he said that she thinks that I should just find a good "whatever/non-design" job to support the family, and not try to "do it all" with my career.

Y'know to be the supportive wifey and all? I feel that she may see me as a person who's trying to exceed their reach, who's chancing the "dream" of getting a job that I want to do. A BIG factor of this thinking as well (I believe) is that, when we lived in Japan with them - I never had a job. I was never seen as "a worker". My reputation, I believe, is still not to good with them, since the last time they saw me.

I didn't have a job, I couldn't speak the language well, they didn't understand me sometimes, I wasn't a hard worker like them, with chores and housework. I probably slept longer than they thought I should. In short, I think that they thought (and still think) I'm lazy. That I can't be counted on.

They haven't seen me since then. So, to them, I'm still the same weird, lazy gaijin girl that their son has to deal with, and who doesn't support him as much as I should.

I've always wanted them to like me. I've always thought fondly of them, I've missed them. But know this feeling is punctured with the thought that they might not even like me. I don't know for sure.

This might all be me getting too weirded out by my MIL's statements to hub over the phone. But he said he even tried to explain to her our feelings on careers/happiness/fulfillment in such things - and she didn't really understand.

I still hope to see them again soon in the future, but I'm sure that these feelings/wonderings I have now will surely be with me then.

02 March 2012

photos: birthday

Photos of some cool presents I received for my BDay!

My SIL and MIL shipped me a present from Japan! I loved seeing the delicate and pretty packaging typical of all kinds from gifts back home.

Inside were these - a 'blouse' made of such fine delicate material, and a thin hoodie. I love the colors! It reminds me of the store Muji. :-)

And this is how they sit on me. I was so glad they fit! Japanese women have small shoulders compared to big ole' gaijin shoulders lol. I won't even talk about buying PANTS in Japan. >__>;;

And a really cute birthday card! :-D

Hub got me something I had wanted to buy for myself for Christmas originally, but was so surprised when he handed it to me for my birthday! It brings out my inner art-geek. >__> A MONSTER of an art history book "The Art Museum" by Phaidon. This thing weighs 18lbs. (8 kilograms) and is a large print book. Big beautiful photographs of art pieces and artifacts dating from the stone age up through the modern era. I love it! It doesn't exactly FIT on our bookshelf (no duh...) so for now, it's gently leaned up against the bookshelf on the floor. Hehe.

Cover and index page.

Art history goodness.