13 July 2010

less than

I guess I'll stick with this new design template for the blog. I hated it when Blogger decided to change everything up. Oh well!

So yes, we've moved now to Alexandria, VA. Getting down here was a big pain in the ass, with finally getting the green-light from the apartment office, and THEN trying to get a truck as fast as humanly possible, because the hub is definitely not one to take it easy. We packed up all of our stuff, just the 2 of us (couldn't find anyone to help us in such short notice). Just 2 of us on a STINKING, blazing hot day. And we all know I'm not good with the upper-body strength right now. So it was hard to say the least. Worked straight through until we finished - I had shove bottles of water at Takeshi so he'd actually stop to drink in the heat. And in all the blur and rushed business of lugging stuff up and and down the stairs out off the apartment - we locked ourselves out. With nothing on the outside to help us. Had to rush next door to our neighbors, (girl also named Laura, and her fiancee) and groveled to use her cell phone to call the apartment office. THANK GOODNESS a technician was on call there 24 hours and only charged us $50 (still hurt though...) to unlock our door for us. We sat in the back of the truck, in the semi-sun waiting for about 20 minutes for him to come, until we could finish packing.

Left the house RIGHT afterwards to drive down to Maryland to drop off the 2 bicycles my friend had lent us last year. His mom was nice enough to let us stay the night, since we couldn't have made it to the new apartment in time that day, before the office closed, to get the keys and sign the paperwork. Started off bright and early the next morning and drove the rest of the way to Virginia. Signed the huge stack of paperwork, and then went to unload and move everything IN. That day was more humid and hot, since we're more south now. My friend Todd helped us move in that day, and we could NOT have done it without him. We were very grateful. And here we found it was his birthday that day! I felt bad. In the end we wrote him a "thank you for your help/happy birthday" check.

Fast forward to now. I can't say that things are going well for me in the job department. Takeshi already had his new job settled out even before we moved, or else we wouldn't have moved. Because of going to college full time in the past, I haven't had a job since about 2007. And I'm desperately wondering if I'll get one again. Even a part time job. Early on after moving here, I went to the shopping center nearby and filled out applications to multiple places. I'm hoping that if I keep bugging them from time to time, they'll have me in for an interview at least. But I haven't heard anything, from anyone, except "We're not hiring right now."

Every day I check job search engines for graphic design jobs, send my resume, cover letter, etc. etc. Nothing at all yet. A lot of places don't want entry-level people. They say, "must have 3-5 years experience". I don't even have 1 year of experience. You gotta start somewhere though.

I know the economy is pretty much shit right now, but I can't help feeling like a total failure. This move was supposed to be the beginning of me making a difference finally, to work and earn a living. Takeshi's never seen me as a worker before in all the time we've been together, only a student.

I totally HATE it when he comes back from work at night and asks me again and again, "So, no calls from anyone?" And I have to keep saying "no". I wish he wouldn't ask me. It makes me more and more anxious and stressed out. I stay at home all day, sit infront of the computer and search and search. Then I eat, then I sleep at night. Wake up start again. I feel my life slowly oozing down the drain. I'm nobody, sitting in this apartment by myself.

I'm getting desperate with even finding a part-time job in the meantime. What do I have to do, clean houses? Wash asses? I don't feel like I have a purpose right now. My life is at yet another standstill.

Takeshi works even longer now. He's gone from 10am to midnight. He gets Sundays off, and one other weekday off a week, which they say will change and never be the same from week to week.

One of Takeshi's old colleagues from Lancaster mentioned a term to me, when we met them for dinner one night, right before we left town. She said I'm a "kitchen-widow". She smiled sadly a little and said, "Well that's what my husband is too, since I'm the one in the food industry."

That term sums it up extremely well actually.

So in short, I sit here day after day, wishing, hoping, searching. Staring at the walls. I wish I had friends nearby. But I don't even have the car with me anyway. I know I wouldn't feel as lonely if I made contact with other humans during the day. Or even a dog. But we can't get one until I have an income too, because trying to support a little furry thing right now with just one income is not reasonable.

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