brooding

I'm writing a quick post before I'm due at work at 5pm. I have about 1.5 hours till then.

Lately, life has been ok. With me, the internship is great. I'm getting some good chances to bulk up my portfolio, and the people I work with are probably the some of most easy going men on the planet. I just wish I was getting paid for something I actually like doing, instead of cashiering. The part time job is what it is. I just hope to get the most hours I can out of it, which = more money. For the time being, I'm going on a good track, until hopefully we're able to move AGAIN next year perhaps. I hate moving around. I wish we didn't have to. But Frederick does not offer much of anything to Takeshi's career. He's having a tough time with his current job right now. Which translates to frustration at home.

I want to help him. I always do. But this is something that I can't fix right now, it seems. This restaurant is the best he could find in the area, when we put ourselves into this mess of moving from VA, etc etc.

I can't MAKE him be happy about his situation, or demand that he deal with it better, though I wish he would just a little. He's not. Sometimes I don't even ask him how his day was. Good chance it was, "ok...I guess." Or he rants about stupid things that happened there that day. (And I listen because I know that if you don't do it, your brain would explode.) It's awkward. I don't want to remind him about his crappy feelings about this job. But for the time being, we have to be here, since the internship is the best thing that came out of the whole thing. It's not a paid design job, but it's the next best thing.

Ideally I'm sure we'd like to move to a bigger town/city. Where he can find a restaurant he wants to work at. Sometimes I think his standards are too high, for the right job that he wants (because of the type of dishes/food he likes to produce). Sometimes I think that he'll never be happy, EVER TRULY happy, no matter where he works - unless he works at the Alinea restaurant in Chicago, etc. But that's a hard place to get into, I believe. Insanely popular, fine dining sort of place.

I know, that for him, he's not pleased with his lot right now. But sometimes I just can't stand to see him glum and frustrated because that makes ME depressed. I still have a lot of hope for the future, especially with getting the internship. I can't be depressed every day about how all of our plans fell through, and we were pretty well forced to move here. It's not a shitty place. It's just not for us, in the long term.

I guess I just usually try to be mostly happy with what we have, wherever we are. Try to enjoy little things, like days off together. It just seems that he can never really do that; his job and surroundings are always bringing him down.

I just hope that the new year brings some POSITIVE changes for the both of us. I want to see him eager to go to work everyday, because I know, at the core, that the culinary field is where his heart is. I hope we're able to start saving financially. I hope that I keep moving upwards in my field as well. We'll just have to see!

To end, a random photo of the Frederick library we visited the other day! Have a good weekend everyone.