Takeshi reminded me that June officially starts off the rainy season in Japan. Damn. Here comes some lovely weather, our way.
Well...here I am again sitting and brooding about the same old things. I don't like doing it, but I do, do it so much, because that's the person I am I guess. I also am always looking at someone else's life, whether it's reading their blog, or looking at their photos, and getting jealous for whatever reason. I'm always comparing my life to someone else's life. I do unconsciously sometimes. I don't like doing it. I hate worrying about other people and getting jealous. And yet I find myself slipping back into that gloomy frame of mind every so often. Maybe it's because I spend the whole week alone during the day. I think I have too much time on my hands right now = looking at other people's lives because, to me, my life seems uneventful right now.
I'm still, deep down, really resentful of the fact that we never had a wedding and a honeymoon. SAME OLD BROODING. But I can't help it. Damnit. I want to be happy with my life. I want to. But for some reason, I can't. Even when I should be grateful for the things I have - I still brood and get jealous and second-guess everything I've done in the past couple of years. It's very tiring sometimes, to have my brain.
Takeshi and I were laying in bed the other night before going to sleep and he all of a sudden mentions to me that he's glad he came back to Japan. And that he feels he's grown as a person/improved himself etc. and that he is grateful to have talked to his variety of friends and fellow employees, because they have evidently given him some advice/philosophy about - who knows what - life? Anyway, he's obviously feelin' the love for himself and his self-improvement - and then he asks me if I feel that I've grown or improved as a person over the past year of being in Japan. My answer was depressing - but realistic. I said something like, "Well, I don't think I've grown up at all, really. I'm the same person with the same tendencies, and quirks that I was a year ago. I think maybe I've become more introverted and reserved (since I'm in a non-English speaking, xenophobic country). I've made no new friends for about 2+ years." Blah blah blah.....depressing. I almost cringed at the end of my answer. Ugh. But I didn't want to lie about it...Takeshi said, "Huh..."
Don't get me wrong, there are SOME positive things I've experienced as a person, since coming here. I have taken on more responsibility....HOUSEWORK. AWESOME. Yeah, I'm awesome. Such a difference. Such a contribution.
I can't even get a job here, as I am right now with my language skill. So I can't even make money. That bums me out a lot. Bleh. Right now I feel like a huge moocher or something, while Takeshi goes out and makes an income for us both.
Fun, uplifting times, here! At least for Takeshi, anyway.
I'm ranting on this blog, and I hope it will make me feel better. Sorry about that...
Anyway, steering my mind away to other subjects...what to talk about....
Well, there's one positive thing that has come about from moving to Japan - I've had the time to lose weight! Huzzah. Last October I weighed about 154 lbs. (about 70kgs.). As of right now, about 7.5 months later, I weigh about 144 lbs. (about 65kgs.) I am determined to keep up the weight loss after we venture back into the country where they fry everything, live off of soda, and have morbidly obese 4-year-olds lumbering around. Yay USA. I'm definitely going to keep up my changed daily diet.
Some other progress. As a favor, I've been helping a friend of Takeshi's to create a logo for a cafe he plans to open and manage in the future. Recently he took the logo he picked and got a company online to make little square buttons. I'm guessing the future employees at his cafe will be wearing these buttons. I like how it came out and it's neat to see my work in 3D form, sort of speak.
Actually I do get some sort of payment from Mayumi-san, and it's usually food items, treats, and such.
Some random photos from the past month.