29 May 2009

Shh! Don't Talk About It

I wanted to make this post, to be able to rant and/or get some things out of my mind into words. So here' goes.

Ever since Takeshi and I were married last year, the occasional thought of having children has popped into my head from time to time. I feel it's kind of a natural progression of thought for women in a way, you think of marriage - and then the next usual step in life is to have kids. So I couldn't help thinking about it, wondering about it. The thing that annoys me, is that whenever I try to, innocently enough, talk about the idea of having a baby with people who are close to me - they freak out on me, in varying degrees. So, so far, I feel like I shouldn't even daydream about having a baby - or at least telling people about my daydreams. Y'know? Like it's taboo or something. I am not ready - we as a couple - are not ready to have a baby, but I still like to....yeah! day-dream about. I view it as a positive future goal. But whenever I start to lightly comment about my feelings on it - the people I know think that because I'm wanting to talk about it - that I want to have a baby RIGHT NOW. And that is totally not the case. But I don't like feeling like it's a bad thing to talk about, whatsoever.

I try to talk to my mum and dad about it - the reaction is "NO Laura, you are not financially ready to have kids, and you still need to get your degree. And you need to get your career going first."

I totally agree with that. But I wish I could just ask my mum questions about "girl-things" such as this, without signaling alarms. By the way, I know mum and dad read my blog, so when you guys read this, please don't bring it up when I talk to you again....I'm just thinking aloud, here.

Once or twice I've tried talking about it with friends of mine, (ok, only Todd). And he thought that since I mentioned it, that I was actually pregnant or something... No, not really.

I know Takeshi wants kids someday. We've even spent one night having fun with wondering, which boy and girl names we would really like to use, and the ones we definitely don't want to use. He says 1-2 kids would be fine. I feel the same way. But then again, he is a guy, and my husband, so I even feel like when I try to talk about "baby-future" topics, I can see him starting to ease away from the subject - and then wants to talk about something else. And the conversation dies very quickly. I think he acts that way because, he's ALSO scared that I'm ready to bully him into having a kid right now, or something. Sigh.

I guess my problem is that I need a FEMALE to talk to about this sh*t. I haven't had contact (in real life, not internet or phone) with a girl friend of mine for EVER. Actually, I've never had an abundance of female friends, in my life....hmm.

I have just been having these thoughts of annoyance in my head, recently, because I've been reading Sara's blog, with her pregnancy, and GaijinWife is pregnant too right now, and NOW Lulu's pregnant too! One girl I knew from high school already had her daughter - and she had a kid when she's my age! It seems like some people just CAN'T wait to have kids. Where here I am, feeling like an old married hag, who's childless already. It's weird...

I definitely don't want a baby right now, but I can't help but feel jealousy when I read about you other girls getting pregnant and such. It's a weird mix of opposite emotions and feelings about this subject. I hope Takeshi wants kids some day - in all the time I've known him he hasn't been one of those guys who just "loves kids and wants to be a father SOO bad." He's not that way at all. But then again, we're both still young at 22 - and have other goals to reach, before we look to anything more.

But, I guess I just want to say to my friends, family, and Takeshi (though I know he doesn't read this blog) --

"HEY! I just want to talk about it. I know where I stand financially in life, and all that crap. I am totally aware of it. I DO NOT want to have a baby right now, OR in the soon future. So PLEASE STOP freaking out on me."

But I guess if everyone's going to go ape-sh*t on me about it, then - I just can't talk about it, until I'm set up in a mansion somewhere, where both of us have jobs that bring in 6 figures each. Then, it should be ok to try it again.

Besides, before we're ready for kids - I know we both want puppies, for sure. ;)


Natalie said...

Damn. *Fluffles her Dragon*.


So badly, I get the /exact/ same thing, but from the other side of the fence. We're just trying to /talk/! We're not trying to pour cement on the topic! Cripes.

Hmmm, I know e-mail isn't the same at all as face to face, but I'm perfectly happy to hear about any kiddie ideas you may have. (I've got to hear about /some/, how else will I ever experience the "magic", huh?) It'd be fun, m'dear. <3 Then I'll tell you about Nicole's baby shower O__o Just promise me one thing, ok?

Don't name your little girl (were you to have one) "Regan". I....yuck. Bad choice, imo, Nicole. I just don't like it. Woo.

Talking's a good thing, and now that I'm out of school, I /do/ have a bit more time in between work until August...when I'm devoured again. I swear, when you get back here I'm going to find you and sit on you...forever. Your hubby's going to be pissed at me. XD
In the meantime, don't fret. many people pounce or run on the kids topic because it hits too close to home for them. They /expect/ the wives to go "baby crazy" and so they edge away from the topic...forgetting that you are an intelligent adult T__T. I'm happy to discuss the little buggers with you, I have to spoil someone's kids, right? Nicole already said I can't spoil hers, hmmph. I wasn't planning on showing /her/ kids the /cool/ movies, anydangway.

Poke me back, Scatter scales. <3

~Your fuzz-bomb

Lulu said...

You can talk to me anytime about it if you want! Sarah & I chat about pregnancy etc a lot- before we were pregnant and now too!

As for been financially stable- i think if you wait until you are "ready" you could be waiting forever. I know that Shun & I know we will have to work hard to make things work financially with a bub on the way but we know we can do it cos this is what we wanted.

As you said, you don`t think you are ready yet, and maybe that is the case, but you can feel free to chat to me about it anytime! I can be your sounding board!

Sara said...

I think I wrote this blog about a year or two ago LOL!!!! When I was about 23 or so myself. I'm the ripe old age of 25 now... at that time I was still working with no end insight, unmarried but dating a workaholic living across the country from me, and in general wondering why the heck I was thinking about wanting a baby so much. Didn't help that a younger friend was pregnant and having a baby at the same time.

I was also worried about talking about and posting stuff like this... because I was so afriad of people giving me crap for it. If you check out my entries from Sept. of 2008 you'll see one where a bunch of people said I should be waiting for a baby... but by the end of October I was pregnant.. opps...


I think its great that you guys have kids as future goal!! Obviously since you are planning on an international move it might not be the best idea now - but hey here I am 2 years later when I thought I wouldn't be having my first kid until I was 28 or so...

Sorry I'm just rambling but.. I just remember feeling very similar to what it seems you are

kurify said...

I'm not going to lie, I've been somewhat of a lurker for awhile but am now recently trying to get better and comment/post more, and the more I see people with happy houses and adorable kiddies...I think, hmm, wouldn't that be nice? Maybe it's the stability I admire - the idea of finally finding yourself in the place you want to be.

I'm not there yet, and I feel I have a bit to go. N wants to have kids before 30 so that he has lots of energy to play with them when he's young, he says. I wouldn't mind that, but just thinking about all of the responsibility with where I am in my life now makes me terrified. Hopefully one day. And, so, the bottom line is, I guess, I completely understand.

So, I brought home two kittens. I've wanted pets since my kitty died after I got back from Japan, so they're an adorable interim. And with as much as I worry about them and check on them, I think, is this how I will be with kids?! :D